One of the crime scenes

Sunday, April 01, 2012

Fort Mac

Statuary coming to a Gazebo in Muskoka...soon!

The Benito Mussolini Fan Club had their annual bash starting this morning, this year choosing scenic Fort MacMurray, Alberta for their funfest.

John Baird was wheeled in on a cart with intravenous supplying hydration as he is still suffering from dehydration from all the spittle he had to expend to keep opposition terrorists away from daddy Stevie during the last session of Parliament before Dean del Maestro (un)graciously took over his duties as resident slobbering and ranting bulldog. Earlier, when organizers couldn't find the key to open the hall, Dean luckily showed up early and was able to huff and puff and blow the door down so the group could enter and assemble. Since the door was now off its hinges, Rich Coleman (un)graciously agreed to act as doorman, in case any socialist-democratic riff-raff tried to crash the party.

Keynote Speaker was Lisa "keeping the planes on time" Raitt, who thanked the crowd of one percenters and refugees from justice for their applause as the female and modern day (and still vertical and breathing) version of the Italian Fascist ascended the stage. She laid her Blackberry on the podium, just in case anyone in Canada deigned to attempt any type of labor disruption whilst her and her cabal were frolicing in the economic heart of Canada.

Lisa suggested that new legislation, repealing the silly elimination of slavery might be something to put on the upcoming legislative agenda. She made a very coherent case that making slavery legal again would be a simple way to streamline labor negotiations and help her and her colleagues in their race to dig everything up in Canada and sell it to the Chinese so that their slaves could turn it into merchandise for Wal-Mart, to be sold by their slaves who need government subsidies like welfare and food stamps to keep them alive to show up for work.

Lisa asked special guest from British Columbia, George "Bobble Head" Abbott to stand up and take a bow and acknowledged his efforts at keeping snarky teachers in British Columbia in their place. While George had the floor's attention he asked his seatmate Kevin "Birdbrain" Falcon to stand up, who when he did, then asked if it would be alright with daddy Steve if he came home from the wilderness of the BC LIEberals and ran in the next available bye-election to be an honest refoooorm/Alliance/CRAP/PsuedoCon again. Daddy Steve, being too busy still giggling over his succesful use of election fraud to actually make a statement deferred to PsuedoTory Stud in Residence Vic "listen to 'em and lock 'em up" Toews, who said that if Kevin would get a decent haircut he could have his choice of being an Con MP Candidate or the next Senator from B.C.

Next to speak was former Treason Steven advisor, Chickenhawk Tom Flanagan. Tom Flanagan who left the United States when they wanted him to defend the nation so he could come to Canada and promote wars that he didn't have to participate in, chose to remind the crowd that the hero of their gathering was indeed himself a draft-dodger, who fled to Switzerland twice to avoid military service and then was arrested there for using false ID one time and for formenting a violent general strike on another occasion. He did eventually serve in the Italian army, but at a time when nobody was shooting at Italian soldiers, conveniently. I wasn't able to find anyone who would comment about Lisa "Slavery is the Answer" Raitt's reaction to the disclosure that Benito had been involved in formenting a "strike."

Benny's Swiss mugshot from 1903

Which of course reminds one of the mugshot of a latter day fascist almost exactly 100 years later, when this gangsta was also in a foreign land.

I wish I could share more about this fun gathering of really cool people, but the security crew realized that I didn't have the right "look" and my $500 forged fascist ID turned out to be not good enough and I had to thankfully leave beautiful Fort MacMurry and return to the land that God would choose to reside in if he didn't have the choice of floating amongst the clouds, British Columbia.

But I did hear that later, Slim Jim Flaherty took to the stage to award his buddy, Tom Clement with his door prize award, that (wink, wink) was fairly drawn at random, of a replica statue of a life sized Benito Mussolini mounted on a valiant steed - with Tom's head (right-side up) replacing Benny's. Tom when asked what he would do with this treasure cast out of a alloy of platinum and bitumen with diamond dust (with real diamond rhinestones on his glasses), said he would have it installed next to his favorite gazebo in Muskoka by Canada Day!

Some more information, not in the spirit of April Fool's Day, like most of the above, except for the mugshots.

So far since Fascism was invented, most fascist heads of state, and often their inner circle as well (think Nuremburg), haven't ended well, and rarely died in their sleep in their beds. We all remember that infamous bunker in Germany that contained the bodies of Adolf and his squeeze Eva Braun. Even the more recent Augusto Pinochet, while managing to avoid prosecution far too long, eventually did die in well deserved incarceration awaiting prosecution at the Hague. Benny and the Jets his squeeze and some colleagues wound up hanging around upside down at a gas station where they had displayed some dead opponents earlier.

photograph - by Renzo Pistone.

"The dead body of Benito Mussolini next to his mistress Claretta Petacci and those of other executed fascists, on display in Milan on 29 April 1945, in Piazzale Loreto, the same place that the fascists had displayed the bodies of fifteen Milanese civilians a year earlier after executing them in retaliation for resistance activity"wikipedia

The Thrilla on the Hilla!

In a match that the greatest blogger on earth considered an insult to both charity and boxing, Justin Trudeau scored a TKO upset, as the ref stepped in to save a bloodied Senator Patrick Brazeau in the third round. Neither man appeared to be much of a boxer, but the smaller and older Trudeau would have floored his opponent had the fight gone on much longer. The aforementioned greatest blogger also said that:
....for Trudeau to be so damn stupid in thinking he has even a hope in hell of beating a guy who looks like Whistler with fists, is beyond belief. I wouldn’t even take on Patrick Brazeau and I’d take on anybody.

Then again, Trudeau hasn’t just inherited his mother’s looks, but her brains too…so there’s not much there for Mr. Occasional Separatist to have Brazeau knock about.

But that's just typical opinion and/or wishes being portrayed as fact or reason, which is the norm over at that murky corner of cyberspace.

Personally I thought the whole event was a good thing, both fighters showed great sportmanship and graciousness both winner and loser. And anything that raises $230,000 for the fight against cancer (which claimed parents of both fighters) is difficult to bad mouth, for me anyway.

As Muhammad Ali once said:
“You lose nothing when fighting for a cause ... In my mind the losers are those who don't have a cause they care about.”

Someone on CTV's Question Period today tossed out the idea that if this was to become an annual event, that a great match would be the NDP's Pat Martin taking on Dean del Masterbater Maestro. Other than Mr. Martin seems perhaps too old, especially in a party with so many young MPs, it would certainly generate interest.

Perhaps next year we could have Thomas Mulcair vs. Stevie Carper in a MMA Cage Match or better yet, Treason Steven could take on one of the young female MP, if he wouldn't feel like he was being bullied!


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