One of the crime scenes

Monday, April 21, 2008

Day for Mirth!

"I will not Sell BC Rail"

Monday is as good a day for mirth (or humour, to those not familiar with the way we spoke back when the Koot was just a little Cootie Pie) as any other. As has become a recent tradition, my correspondent Gail has sent another collection of humourous gleanings from the halls of the Legislature and the often fallow fields of the Media, or what passes for media in our "Bestest" Province in the Empire.

BC Mary recently got inspired to try to track down some notice, picture, commemorative plate or any form of evidence that the people of BC (or their elected representatives - gag ) ever really received anything for that railroad that used to belong to the people and serve the north and other regions. In my own attempts to assist her in her so far fruitless search, I came across the picture above of the apparently abducted by aliens (like Gary "ferret" Collins) Judith Reid as she explains the myriad benefits of letting Gordo and Gang give away our stuff before a blackboard containing all the great aspects of the bargain pounded out by our so far un-indicted guys. I must admit that the empty blackboard was too much for me to resist so I added the orange and yellow writing. Of course the actions of Ms. Reid and the sharp-toothed finance minister (that you wouldn't want in your trouser legs) may have only been setting an example for a government that currently appears to be collectively looking nervously around wondering if it is time to commence the genuine stampede for the lifeboats and shuttles to oblivia where they can join their former colleagues, Judith and the Ferret.

Gail's submissions were very numerous this last time, so I will only post my picks of the pans. I must admit as well that though they all had their humour, some made it necessary to move on before thinking about them long enough to cry or vomit. Especially difficult, I found, was seeing the humour in the government's handling (should I say ongoing mis-handling) of anything to do with domestic abuse and/or child neglect, especially those children unlucky enough to be in the care of the ministry. Memo to Gordo and Gang, you've been government now almost as long as I can remember, YOU CAN"T KEEP BLAMING the NDP for stuff, or just resign and swear them in already. Or I guess you could just come clean and admit that you don't care about certain issues quite as much as say, fish farms, RORs, real estate development on Agricultural Land, the conversion of timberlands into tourist destinations, and the privatization of everything that stands still long enough (and some that doesn't), but I won't be holding my breath. I'm beginning to think it would take "enhanced" interrogation techniques to get these guys to "come clean."

Coot's Picks of Gail's contributions:

The puck stops where?

"When I watch a Canucks game and see the B.C. Ferries' ads, I question whether it really needs to advertise in GM Place and whether this latest fuel surcharge is fuelling the ships or fuelling the perks for B.C. Ferry executives."
- Peter Pedersen (letter to the Vancouver Sun), April 18, 2008

Hahn the Americanized Hun has to advertise at the Garage, after all people might you know, take the alternative to Victoria, you know, swim, towing their vehicle on a zodiac raft.

Don't blame me, I'm only in charge

"[Transportation minister Kevin] Falcon was asked by reporters if the board was out of touch with its customers. 'That's a fair question,' he responded. It's not an answer, but the remark is at the limit of his ministerial powers."
- Les Leyne (Times Colonist), April 16, 2008

So, the Falconator actually has "powers?" Kinda like Luke Skywalker (wait a minute, he is Luke Skywalker, ain't he?) or his dad?

He's so outraged he's going to sit back and do nothing...

"If the provincial government is so upset about this - about a 60 per cent pay raise for these people cutting for themselves. They can do something. They could roll those pay hikes back today. The legislature's in session. Very simple, they could roll them back today. They won’t do it, but they do want to stand up there and somehow try and convince you that they're upset about it. That there's nothing they can do. This is similar to TransLink, of course. Of course it was the Board of TransLink that gave themselves some nice big hefty raises a little while ago."
- Mike Smyth (CKNW), April 16, 2008

If these guys don't prove they possess greed in an appropriate (BIG ENOUGH) amount they don't belong in this government making important decisions like how much to raise fares to underwrite their self-inflicted pay raise for "public service." They wouldn't make any of those "dedicated" folks pay taxes on their payment for performing public service, would they? That would be so unfair and MEAN!

...and here's why

"And, it's a comforting feeling isn't it? Kevin Falcon is Transportation Minister allowing these outrageous increases to the board members at BC Ferries saying 'Oooohhhhhh, I can't do anything about it. I am just the Minister.' He could sign a paper today to scrap it but he doesn't have the balls to do it."
- Joe Easingwood (CFAX), April 18, 2008

It ain't Kevin's fault, he just keeps forgetting about his "powers." Unfortunately none of his powers are of the mental variety, they are more in the "Austin" class! Forget about trying to ever be as "cool" as Austin Powers though Kevin, even though that ain't the height of cool, it is beyond your abilities!

The best qualification is a B.C. Liberal donor receipt, apparently

"No one gains positions of distinction that the 11 directors had prior to being asked to sit on the board without having those qualities. But it seems that contributing to the B.C. Liberal Party helps as well. The raise may well be in line with what other boards get and decided by an independent auditor, but it remains excessive."
- Editorial (Nanaimo Daily News), April 14, 2008

The corporation's owners are the people of B.C.

I think if the owners of the Ferry Coporation were the people of B.C., then the people of BC would have the right to inspect the books................I think someone got confused with present (are) and past (were) tense in the statement above!

"B.C. Ferries plays a critical role in the Island economy. Its decisions on issues like fare increases, as the corporation has acknowledged, can create serious economic hardship. Real, effective accountability is needed -- if not to stakeholders, then certainly to the corporation's owners. The current structure doesn't provide that. After five years, a review of the ferry's governance is in order."
- Editorial (Times Colonist), April 16, 2008

Government of the corporation for the corporation

"Our Liberal government, in its haste to sell off every asset in B.C., has allowed big business to prosper at the expense of the taxpayer. Wasn't it this same government that gave MLAs a huge pay raise, and then told everyone else they were limited to a two- or three-per-cent raise? As long as the Liberals continue to sell off B.C., this kind of shocking news will occur."
- Eddy Lang (letter to the Province), April 17, 2008

"There's No Bidness like giving away Public Assets Bidness, There's No Bidness They Know......................."

On the B.C. Liberal-manufactured crisis in health care

The public ain't buying what Campbell is selling

"Despite some fear-mongering by the government, British Columbians weren't overly concerned about paying for heath care. Not what the government had expected. Campbell had made much of the need to cut health spending radically to avoid a looming crisis. The public, rightly, didn't buy it."
- Paul Willcocks (Times Colonist), April 18, 2008

Well, they buy his line of crap once every four years, when it matters......

Refusing accountability: is there a pattern forming?

"The government has despaired of trying to manage health costs and is preparing to unload the problem on someone else -- us."
- Editorial (Times Colonist), April 13, 2008

As if the government was actually supposed to be anybody BUT US! When your city, town or village, or province, or regional district or Ottawa spends money, it's all money we are spending. Theoretically we elect these people(?) to make these decisions, based on our best interests. Does Gordon Campbell or Stephen Harper really seem to share YOUR interests (I'm not talking to you - CEO of TimberWest, CN, Accenture, etc. or Leonard Asper).

On the crisis in the forest industry

If an industry falls in the forest, will the Liberals hear?

"We sent lobbyists to Victoria to hear from ministers and MLAs firsthand what solutions and suggestions they offer. Their response was either that they don't believe there is a crisis, that the answer is the forest-sector roundtable Premier Gordon Campbell announced in January, or that our members should come up with answers because they haven't any. With respect, we suggest that those who don't believe there is a problem should give their heads a shake."
- Stephen Hunt, United Steelworkers (in the Kamloops Daily News), April 16, 2008

If courage was a P3, would the Campbell government be interested?

"Meanwhile, a feasibility study has confirmed that the local sawmill could be a viable operation. We suggest the only reason TimberWest said it is not viable is because it simply don't want it to be. We also suggest that if the provincial government had the courage to tell them, 'No sawmill? Then no trees,' the viability of the local operation would change immediately in the company's eyes. But that is not happening. It would appear that the provincial government is selling us out."
- Editorial (Campbell River Courier-Islander, reprinted in the Times Colonist), April 17, 2008

Shipping them thar raw logs down to Warshington saves having to clean up all that unsightly sawdust that results from actually....sawing logs into lumber! Cleaniness is next to Godliness and of course God loves the poor, or he wouldn't have made so many, so by pushing more BC residents into poverty everyday, the BC Rail (reverse to liaR) Party pleases the ultimate big guy, upstairs.

Gordon Campbell broke a promise? Surely not!

"One of the effects of the 'run of river' policies will be the weakening and effective privatization of BC Hydro, which will pay high rates for private electricity so that it will be reduced to the power sources, mostly dams, they now have. This despite Gordon Campbell's oft made promise to leave Hydro alone.
For God's sake don't buy the barnyard droppings that somehow this policy is competitive private enterprise. There isn't any competition at all, just private monopolies who will put dividends to its shareholders miles ahead of any obligation to British Columbians or concern for the environment. If there's one thing free enterprise hates, it's true competition."

- Rafe Mair (The Tyee), April 14, 2008

Pretty hot words from the "Mild One" on the Line................

Penny-ante stunts, however, are right up their alley

"The $100 is touted as a way of cushioning the impact of Taylor's new carbon taxes. But doling out penny-ante sums to all and sundry is a shabby PR stunt designed to disguise a dramatic policy change and fools no one. The money is coming from B.C.'s budget 'surplus.' But if there's a 'surplus,' wouldn't you rather see it spent on something urgently needed, not squandered on a cynical scheme to whip up popularity?"
- Alan Ferguson (the Province), April 17, 2008

What could I buy for that nice Carole lady with my $100?

Thanks again to Gail and the newsletter(s) where these may have previously been published. Sometimes a laugh is all that keeps us from crying WAAAAAAY tooo much!


Blogger Gary E said...

Great writings Kootcoot. I thought you might be on holidays or something. But it appears you have been working hard.

Bottom line in your column (no pun intended) I plan to give a portion to that lovely lady to help defeat these self-serving ignorant neanderthals.

Monday, April 21, 2008 at 5:25:00 PM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi kootcoot,

very nice job of making these quotes even better.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008 at 2:38:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Gary E said...

Of course the lovely lady I speak of is "ms goody two shoes" not "miss goody new shoes"

Friday, April 25, 2008 at 6:06:00 AM PDT  

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