One of the crime scenes

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

A Letter
to Lisa

Please Lisa, Basketball is ESSENTIAL (and part of the ECONOMY)!

Ms. Lisa Raitt
MP for Halton, Onterrible
and Minister of (forced) Labour

Dear Lisa,

As a fan of both the economy and NBA Basketball, I am wondering why you haven't involved yourself in the ongoing NBA Lockout. According to you even dudes and duddettes in uniforms serving wine to passengers on an Air Canada flight are performing an essential service, so how you can even consider letting the lights stay out in Air Canada Centre for forty-one Raptor home games (or more if they make the play-offs) is beyond me. Then we have to consider the TeeVee revenue, advertising and jobs, not to mention the merchandising which even costs jobs in China, and we know you and your government are very concerned about jobs in China.

Every other labor disruption that has even been threatened since you and your spiteful bossman got your coveted majority (of almost 25% of eligible voters - some landslide) wasn't even allowed to happen, whether it was a threatened strike or a lockout by management. Yet here we are, when the NBA regular season should be underway, and other than when some rock star deigns to go to Toronto, or that alleged professional NHL team known as the Maple Leafs has a home game, economic activity around the Air Canada Centre grinds to a halt, no tips for the waitresses in the neighborhood, empty parkades, and planes forced to fly around with unsold oversize seats for seven foot men.

I know it would be easier for you to do something if we still had the Vancouver Grizzlies, cuz with only one team based in Canada now, your leverage is limited. However I'm sure there are actions you could take, because the inconceivable has become the expected from you when it comes to dealing with those spoiled working stiffs. Just the fact that Steve Nash isn't drawing his salary is an unacceptable hit to the all important Canadian economy. So let me make some suggestions to help you resolve this unacceptable disruption to the economy of downtown Toronto.

Send your little buddy John Baird to Washington to inform his counterpart, Queen Hillary that if the NBA doesn't resume play, at least Raptors games, that you will have your buddy Jason Kenny revoke all visas for non-Canadian NBA players, which would reduce the league (and the payroll) to about four players, though in this reduced league, Rick Fox could perhaps come out of retirement and the Salmon Arm High girl's team members could maybe become professional. Perhaps the Grizz could be compelled to return from Okie Land to Vancouver and then the Grizz and the Raptors could play an 82 game schedule, which would give both defenses a chance to learn the opposition offense.

Of course even better, you could go to Washington and consult with your counterpart in Barry O's cabinet, and show him/her how it is done. After all, their economy isn't doing that well, not as well as ours as you guys point out countless times daily. Our American cousins might appreciate it if you took the time to explain to them how to avoid letting petty labor disputes disrupt something so important as any economic activity at all. There's been an anti-labour trend happening down there since the ascension of Ronnie Raygun anyway, so they might really be grateful if you showed them how to completely put those whiney workers, whether they be millionaires or minimum wage slaves in their place.

As far as I know all the other worker bees in Canuckistan are happily showing up for work lately, at least those lucky enough to have jobs. Therefore, I would think you would have the time to devote to solving this unacceptable disruption of economic activity.

yers truly,

....Major fan of both the NBA and the Holy Economy


Anonymous e.a.f. said...

The column is a riot! Loved it! I agree! Now lets see what all those Harperites do next. I am going to send this column to my harperite M.P. and await his response. It was high time some one address this travesty, no basketball? My god what will be next, hockey strikes, oh, ya we had one of those and they got through it on their own.
thanks for the column.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011 at 12:34:00 PM PST  
Blogger Danneau said...

Back in the depths of the '60s, Tommy Harcus had us read Charles Lamb's Dissertation On Roast Pig in the context of a Lit 12 class. The sly dog, Old "Leftennant" Harcus (selon les Français, un Tommy ne saurian être mieux nommé) set the stage for an appreciation for, and love of, forays such as this. Thanks so much.

Thursday, November 24, 2011 at 7:24:00 AM PST  

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